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Personal Essay + Poetry

Mummy’s little Girl


3:00, The mirror is my enemy, it is my hurt, it is my pain because when I see it, I see you, the woman who caused all the bloodshed and pain, the woman who caused a life of misery. To you I am your forgotten shadow, something for you to project your buffoonery on.
6:00, As the great Whitney Huston once said when the night falls the loneliness calls and you were the cause of my loneliness. My loneliness was the brick wall that surrounded me when I couldn’t live up to the standard of being mummy’s little girl like you wanted me to be. I was no longer able to wear pigtails and so, in your eyes I became the pig you always saw yourself to be. I no longer liked the colour pink so you ingrained it in me, the pink on my arms, the pink that pops out of my melanated skin will always remind me that I was never capable of being mummy’s little girl.
9:00 Once I started to grow, so did his temptation. You accused me of being the reason you were a new divorcee, but after all you were the blueprint. You showed me the false reality of pleasing a dog, all I had to do was be the bone he could bite on, to whatever extent would satisfy him…You hated bones.
12:00 but now you see, the harsh words you spat still didn’t affect me. They kept me lifted, they made me stronger…well that is if your idea of stronger is hurting the little girl that lay inside, but it’s okay because that’s what I try to hide. She might cry, she might fight but at least now I no longer bear the pain of not being able to reach the standards of being mummy’s little girl.

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